Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
