While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
