also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize