I wish my penis had an off switch
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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