well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
