like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
