i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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