we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
you never un-have a 4some
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
