i don't like sucking hair
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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