So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
