do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
