and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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