I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
