My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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