Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
