I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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