wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
