smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
from now on my penis is your penis
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
