yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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