Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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