Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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