my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
