Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
