I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
