We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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