I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
