That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
