I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
