So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
