He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
