Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Did I show you my penis last night?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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