dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
