I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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