they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
