seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
