We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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