so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
