I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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