Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
