Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
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