umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
