Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
