Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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