bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
