It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
