Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
