Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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