So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
