I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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