i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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