Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
