nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
