another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
