Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
