Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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