We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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