I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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