Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
