What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
