i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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