he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
