His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
