You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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