I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
