remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
