Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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