Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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