just come out here and I will go home with you...
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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